It’s a common misconception that therapy is only for couples in crisis and for when you are absolutely tearing your hair out at each other and can’t be be in the same room. However these very dramatic depictions of couples therapy doesn’t help people who still love each other but they’re just struggling. In fact there are many benefits of seeking help early before you’re in crisis so that you’re able to tackle bad habits at an early stage, continue to express fondness and appreciation of each other and de-escalate problems before they become out of control.
Therefore, it’s vital to know what the signs are that your relationship could benefit from some couples therapy. Here are 5 signs to look out for in your relationship:
- Frequent miscommunication- noticing that small issues escalating into arguments can be a key sign that it might be time to get some help. This might look like arguing over how the dishwasher is stacked, disagreeing over minor parenting issues, or just misinterpreting what the other person says. When you have these frequent moments of miscommunication they can really stop the two of you from feeling close and understood by each other, which can go onto cause bigger problems further down the line. Seeking help when you notice frequent miscommunication is vital.
- Emotional distance- this is a very common one that I see clients presenting in my therapy room with. This can be especially a problem with parents of young children who are more functional than connected to each other. They may be functioning very well as teammates by managing the school runs and the day-to-day routine. There is probably a deep love of each other but because the relationship has become functional there isn’t the space and time as a couple to really show that love to each other. Feeling more like roommates or colleagues rather than a couple is a key sign that your relationship could benefit from therapy.
- Trust issues- when you find that you or your partner are struggling with trust issues that’s also a warning sign to seek some relationship therapy. Trust issues can be triggered off by our past experience of relationships or issues in our upbringing, but not addressing these issues can cause them to grow into monsters. Having a monster in your relationship, lurking in the corner of every room, means that you’ve always got something hanging over you that stops your relationship from flourishing. Relationship therapy is a great way to look at that monster- bring them out into the light and communicate better about how you’re feeling, to help reduce the size of the monster and hopefully make it go away for good.
- Intimacy changes- we all know that relationships have a honeymoon phase at the beginning of them where often you can’t keep your hands off each other! It’s normal and natural that as we settle into a relationship, usually around 12 to 18 months, that this reduces slightly as our hormones settle and we move into a more bonded part of our relationship & feeling more secure. Often intimacy will still continue in a healthy way. Regardless of frequency, we need to be focusing on satisfaction, pleasure, consent and quality. However, if you notice that your intimate life as a couple has changed away from feeling satisfying, it often means that you are feeling more disconnected as a couple. Physical intimacy difficulties are very often linked to emotional intimacy difficulties. It’s a bit like the chicken and the egg. Some people need physical intimacy to feel emotionally connected; others need emotional connection in order to be physically intimate. The only way to overcome any difficulties in this area is to talk about it! It can feel difficult and sometimes relationship therapy with a qualified therapist who is used to talking about intimacy issues is a great way to overcome any awkwardness around these conversations.
- Major life transitions- we all know logically that over the course of a long-term relationship relationships our lives will change in many ways. However emotionally this can still feel really challenging when we notice the impact of becoming parents, financial stresses, moving house, moving jobs, losing parents, or health related problems impacting us. We sometimes wish that our relationship wasn’t affected by these things, but of course it’s completely normal that it is. As we change our relationship needs to adapt to and our relationship needs to be able to accommodate changes of the people within it. Sometimes a relationship that is built on one or two single rigid aspects can really struggle to accommodate the stress of life transitions. Relationship therapy can provide a healthy outlet to discuss about how these life transitions may be affecting us in the relationship and give a couple tools to navigate around them.
Conclusion
As you can see there are many reasons to seek out relationship therapy at an early stage so if you relate any of these signs why don’t you think and have a chat to your partner to see if they would be open to seeking some couples therapy with you? We have a free 15 minute consultation for all new clients so you have the chance to meet your therapist, ask any questions that you need to ask and move forward hopefully into a therapy that works for you and will support and strengthen your relationship in the future. You can also read our FAQ to find out more about how we work.
Email us hello@elinorharvey.com today to discuss starting your relationship therapy journey.